Today I’m 18 weeks and 6 days along with this pregnancy. 🙂 I’m still having a lot of pain (presumably from the pressure on my large fibroid). I also have a lot of pain when my uterus expands at all. With my t-shaped uterus, the muscle fiber in my uterus is not as elastic as a normal uterus, so every bit of stretching hurts. Thankfully, this time is not as painful as it was with our first born. 🙂 With that pregnancy, I was in excruciating pain with every tiny bit of stretching.
I’m still having trouble with bad, consistent nausea, but I am at least able to eat regularly now. I am close to the half way point in the pregnancy and I have finally gained 3 pounds! That might sound silly but it’s a pretty big deal considering how much trouble I had keeping any food down the entire first trimester. 🙂
We’ve been getting a lot of questions from people asking if we are happy that we are having another boy, or comments saying, oh well…you can try for a girl next time. I don’t understand why people say things like that in the first place. Any baby is a blessing, especially when you have lived most of your life under the assumption that your multiple diagnosis of infertility were going to make it impossible to ever have any baby, let alone two!
Honestly, I am a bit relieved that we are having another boy lol. I had been having dreams about our son having a little brother ever since he was born, and I have all kinds of really cool photos planned for my two little guys. 🙂 I was a bit disappointed that I won’t have a daughter that I can dress up like my mini me and in pretty, fancy dresses (especially for photos), but other than that, I would totally prefer having another son. Some of my fondest memories from my old babysitting days were when I would babysit these two little boys who lived down the street. Little boys are so adventurous and so much fun!
My husband was really hoping for a daughter. He has seen too many photos of me when I was little and was hopeful for a mini me. He has gotten past the disappointment though and is excited about the concept of having two sons. 🙂 He does get frustrated though when people make the “try again next time” comments.
Just a word of advice…don’t ever say “try again next time” to someone, especially if you do not know them well. You do not have any clue how difficult it may be for them to have a baby, or if they can even continue trying. It just isn’t polite. It also implies that the baby on the way is not something to be excited about!
For me, I am absolutely done after this pregnancy. People often think I’m just being hormonal when I saw that I plan for a hysterectomy as soon as possible, but it has been my plan for a while now. This fibroid is getting unbearably painful, even when I am not pregnant. My monthly periods have gotten so awful that I literally have to schedule a week every month to just stay home. Plus, as we have seen, I have a 0% success rate with pregnancies when I am not on the hormone supplements. I physically cannot handle going through another pregnancy with those supplements since they make me so extremely sick (it has been suggested by a few doctors that I may actually be allergic to progesterone, which is why I have such a hard time with my pregnancies and the supplements). The bleed with this pregnancy has had me worried about how much more my uterus could handle since my type of uterine abnormality puts me at higher risk for uterine rupture. I’m afraid that after 11 pregnancies, it is just getting worn out. I mentally can’t handle going through any additional miscarriages, so that’s kind of it. In addition, I can’t handle the heart condition I develop when pregnant with more than one child to take care of. It has been really difficult this time with only one kid. My normal resting pulse is around 65 when I’m not pregnant. When I am pregnant, my resting pulse is way higher, usually between 95 (only on a good day) and 120. In my previous pregnancy with our son, it was consistently 120 even though I was on strict bed rest. It got really scary. I started to feel like my heart was going to explode at any moment.
I feel guilty at times openly telling people that I am planning to be done after this pregnancy, since as Catholics, we are supposed to be “open to life”, which generally means open to the idea of conception. When my husband and I were engaged, we had a long talk with our priest about it. At the time, I was dealing with some massive cysts on my ovaries that were suspected to be pre-cancerous. I was on strict orders to stay on the birth control pill until the situation resolved or I had them surgically removed (which thankfully, they resolved without surgery). Our priest assured us that in our case, being open to life also meant keeping my health and my life as a priority, and trusting our gut and our doctors’ advice that there may be things we need to do in order to keep my health as a priority. I feel strongly that continuing trying to get pregnant after this would be putting my own health at risk. So this is it for us! No more trying after this pregnancy.
I am incredibly happy. It’s been scary, and it’s been insanely difficult, but compared to how I expected my life would turn out, having two boys feels like such a huge miracle! I can always play dress up with my clients’ daughters anyway, so in my mind, no reason to be disappointed at all. 🙂